Fearless
by ultimma.gothicca
Summary: For Alysa432 "How can you realize how much I care, when all your blue eyes can see is him? Tell me, Mello, how can I be your lover when I don't even have the chance to be your friend?" -Near AU, Yaoi,


**Author's note: I said to my winner, 'I can't do fluffy shots for this pair'.**

**Then what the hell is this gooey dramatic shit?**

**All for ****_Alysa432_****, here's your request! I was PMSing when I wrote this, hence this :**

**Disclaimer: Not the author of Death Note. Hell no. I don't even know who A is. **

**Warning: Weird, yaoi citrus. It burns! Not my fandom, so it's messed up OOC and it's not even my fave DN pairing! Don't hate me for this!**

* * *

''Gee, Mels." The red-head scratched his neck, as he avoided the chilly gaze directed at him. Goggles perched on top of the fiery locks, and emerald orbs darted around the room, making me bite my lips in sheer anticipation.

"I didn't know you feel that way about me, you know. You, me, hearts... " The fingers, so skilled in the realm of gaming moved back and forth. "But too bad, though. I'm straight.,"

_Ouch_...

I've been in love with Matt, since, I don't know. Fucking forever. It's weird, falling in love with your best friend. Most of all, it hurts.

"I mean, we can still be friends."

Especially when you're rejected.

You see, I'm not the shitty romantic type. I don't expect my feelings to be returned. But when I first realized that we've been a little too friendly, in my case I guess, I made it a point to tell him exactly how I feel. As my only buddy, partner in crime, and unfortunately, the center of my universe; he, at the very least, should know. That wouldn't be fair if I hide like a scared chick, all the while exploiting our friendship like an opportunist.

No. I, Mihael Keehl AKA Mello, am not going to sit and cower in a corner, while pretending to be titanium. I won't let myself drown in shitty loneliness like a bad actress from an old fucking movie.

_Scratch the last part. _I watch him walk away, quick to avoid my temper lest I scream at him for rejecting me. I have the right to be hurt. I may be a kickass jerk who can easily put a bullet through anyone's head. Not a twinge in my conscience, as I hear my enemies beg for mercy. But I am not heartless, contrary to popular belief.

_Or maybe it's better if I was. At least it wouldn't hurt that much. _

A few days later, I found Matt in our dorm room, packing his stuff. All of it. From his wide assortment of striped long sleeves, to his ridiculous collection of video games. Sweat adorned that handsome face of his, along with a deep frown etched on his forehead, possibly from concentration.

"I'm moving out, Mells."

"Was it because of me?" I was surprised by the lack of emotions in my voice. More or less, I expected this. I saw it coming, and maybe my life's one big piece of shit not worth mentioning to anyone. He spun and met my gaze, trying to prove his sincerity, not that it's important anymore.

"I'm moving in with Misa, you know, at her place. I know it's quite sudden and all, but I was about to tell you, before you know..." the 'you know' refers to my confession to him. I guess Matty boy is still in denial that his best friend is gay. I watch him nibble on his lower lip, and even for a sec, I can tell that his decision wasn't easy to make.

"I also took the liberty of finding you a new roomy, so don't you worry about bills and such. He is quiet and won't bother you, none of those annoying chatterbox you so hated." He forced a chuckle, but I can see guilt floating in his eyes. He should be. We've been together for years, then just a _snap_; he left me. _Just like that. _

I can feel bitterness crawling through my veins, into my chest, where it decided to stay. That awful feeling of unrequited love, and all those sweet memories that was wrongfully treasured.

_Fuck me for being stupid. _

**_Fuck me more for being in love. _**

I watch him leave, not another word. What can I possibly say that can make this go away? Even if I beg, even if I cry, Matt will never stay. He had been courting Misa Amane since our freshman year, and apparently they're lovers now. I was too absorbed in how I should confess that I barely noticed.

_Or maybe I was in denial? _Sure, I have seen them sit just a little bit closer. Then, their hands sometimes lingered together. _Ok, there's no maybe there. I was in denial._

I slumped on top of my bed, smelling chocolate from the pristine sheets. It's Britney Spears's perfume, was it Fantasy? A combination of vanilla and chocolate. That scent always calmed me down before, never mind how most people think that it smelled like a group of prostitutes. Weird taste? You can say that. Well, weird is an understatement since I wear leather pants all the time, and eat chocolate like a starving soldier. They always say that geniuses are a cut above the rest with habits bordering on neurotic, and well, if the IQ test isn't lying, I am one. One of the reasons why Matt is my one and only friend is that he is also quite the walking brain, and as the saying goes: Birds of the same feathers are the same birds. No one can relate to me better than him. And damn all things living and breathing coz my soulmate is dating a classic bimbo.

A knock on the door interrupted my moment. I snarled a '**come in' **and assumed that the person behind the wood is my new roommate. A mass of white strands peeked at the space, revealing a young baby faced teenager with wide eyes, not the innocent kind, but the blank doll eyes ones.

"I said come in, are you fucking stupid or what?"

The creepy male hauled 2 suitcases inside the room, and I can't help but raise a brow at that. Matt's stuff barely filled a huge hiker backpack (no, the paper bags containing the games and consoles doesn't count). This one's made it appear as if he's migrating to Spain.

"Name's Mello. Rules: Keep your stuff away from my stuff and stay out of my life. Got it?"

"I perfectly understand. My name is Nate Rivers, but I prefer to be called as Near-"

"Whoa, whoa. NATE FUCKING RIVERS?" What the hell was Matt thinking? "Number one scholar at Trestine Academy in Criminology Department?"

"Considering that Trestine is where we're studying, and I am indeed taking Criminology, then yes." That cocky bastard.

"Well, fuck you," I smirked and pulled a chocolate bar from under my pillow. I ripped the packaging off and bit ferociously at the delectable, creamy heaven, before turning back to that small albino looking like a lost kitten. "You may be number one, but not for long."

I've been trying to beat Near's ass since my first year, failing every time. Now that the bitch's here, and I'm bored and pissed off (no, I'm not brokenhearted, no matter that it hurts like hell), I can finally distract that little shit from his studies and kick him from the top spot.

_Maybe that way, Matt will realize I'm a thousand times better than her. _And hopefully, my brains will weigh out her boobs.

* * *

I did say that I'll bust the sheep's studying strategy, right?

**Right**!

The problem, is this:

**What strategy?**

The stupid white cotton ball is lazier than Matt himself. All day, he lazed like a pig to be fattened on his bed, cuddling Optimus Prime and Bumblebee and twirling his hair round and round with that tiny finger of his. While I sweat my ass off studying for the midterm, Mr. bug-eyed fluff just sat there like a psycho in an asylum. And they say I'm creepy. I'm scary, but hell, this one's a cut out from a bad Asian horror movie.

_No, he is not cute! _Sure, he looks like a cat, so small and white, with gray doll eyes and curled lips. I even heard some classmates saying that he's such a baby and that they want to hug and kiss him and squeeze him like a toy, and those bitches are crazy.

They remind me of that Misa bitch who stole Matt from me. Speaking of which, I saw them at the cafeteria earlier. All sweet and shit, with that red-head feeding that slut with cookies from his own plate. The little tramp would stick her tongue out in a pathetic cute gesture and I just want to murder the hell out of her.

She doesn't deserve my best friend. My only friend. No one does. Not with their shallow disposition in life and their worthless dreams of trying to get famous by being a porn star, or striking it rich by marrying some rich European who can buy them Louie Vuitton and Prada. He can do more, and he deserved more.

_Most of all, I can understand him more. _

"I understand that Calculus is a rather infuriating subject, but I do not comprehend how tears can solve your mathematical problem."

Near's voice startled the life out of me, making me jolt backwards and almost fall from my chair. I touched my face, and noticed the wet trails coming from my eyes. What do you know, I was crying. Of all the days to cry.

I stood up and left for the convenience store. Not adviced, but maybe a bottle of vodka or two can numb a little pain.

* * *

In my desperation for company, I asked the sheep to toast in honor of seeing my best friend and his girl friend make out on top of his Chevy. Seriously, I thought I can take any hit. But that one's just so-

**Ugh**! I downed a shot and forced feed my roomy some chocolate. The little white thing crumpled his face in disgust, a blasphemous way to react to chocolate.

_Such a twat. _

**_So unlike Matt. _**

"You are such a stupid little piece of - err, whatever you are," I barely slurred, but words were shrinking in my vocabulary. Near stared at me with cloudy, gray eyes, possibly tipsy from the alcohol. A few bottles scattered idly and empty, and I can also feel the effect of liquor in my head.

The albino don't looked too bad now. Like a colorless cherub sent to listen to me. And listen, he did, as I blab on and on about my epic failed love life, my murder plans for Mail's slut, and how I need to top him to prove that I deserve my Mattie way more than that Anemone.

"So, pretty nasty me, huh?" I concluded my speech with a bite from my chocolate bar. Near tilted his head and yawned like a kitten, before speaking.

"Every one has the right to love. But I must say it's logical to look for and love someone who can return your feelings with the same intensity."

"Fancy words, twink. Now tell me where can I find that 'someone' so I can move on already."

The next thing I knew, I was pushed to the carpeted floor, my chocolate falling beside me with a muffled thump. A pair of lips moved against mine, forcing me to taste vodka, milk and Near...

**_Near_**! I opened my mouth to protest, only to feel a wet, slimy tongue coaxing my own to dance. Heady lust threw all reasoning out the window, and I returned the kiss with a needier want. My fingers tangled with his silver locks, admiring how soft and fragrant he is. I feel him wrap his lanky arms around my neck, locking me in an embrace. On top of me, he, the innocent yet annoying angel, tried his best to make me sin, luring me into a bottomless temptation of forgetting him, forgetting me, forgetting who should've been loving me.

It could've been Matt.

He could've been my Matt.

**But he's not. **

I pulled away, feeling not the least bit guilty when his calm eyes hinted sadness in their gaze. "What the fuck Near? Why the hell are you doing this?". I sat up and dislodged the sheep from me, the small body sliding off my person.

"Same reason why you're obsessed with him. Same reason why you just can't open that eyes enough to see me."

**_You? What about you?_**

"Before you assume I'm a no-good stalker, let me explain. I don't like how you torture yourself with grades and competition against a bored student just to prove your worth to a lost love. However, those qualities itself, for some absurd reason, are what endeared you to me. Perhaps, it may seem unnatural, or unreal, but I learned to adore you. And-" Those eyes misted with unexplainable confusion, dumb my speech. "I don't even know why I'm saying this to you. It's the vodka. Forget what I said."

_Just forget? Oh hell no. _

My body moved to its own accord. A hand reached out to caress his cheek, before locking his lips with mine. Just like earlier he clung obstinately around my neck, moaning sweetly at the contact. He wanted this. And damn me for doing this, but I just can't stop myself. I touched his sides ever so softly, then gripped the hem of his T-shirt. Breaking the kiss, I peeled it off him, exposing childish figure coated in soft ivory. The perked up nipples, the flat stomach, I took in all of it and etched it in my memory, smiling to myself as he flustered in embarrassment. I removed my own leather apparel, proud of my chiseled figure; a product of working out. Unzipping my tight jeans, his doll pupils widened in disbelief as I strip naked in front of him. At this point, I'm too far gone. Damn Matt, he's not here.

_But I have Near. _

I lifted the cotton ball from the floor and placed him on my bed. In my birthday suit, I licked and nipped his neck from behind. Slightly wiggling from my gasp, he took off his own pajamas and kicked them out of the way, landing somewhere across the room. Rubbing his creamy thighs with my bare hand, his back leaned on my chest, I can't exactly see his cute reactions so I settled for the sounds. A little whimper escaped his throat, making my cock stiffen in anticipation. I twirled him to face me, and I must say that pretty pink blush that dusted his cheeks is a turn on.

"You want me to love you, right?" I huskily whispered. Answered by a nod, I groaned and pounced at him, biting and marking him as my own.

"Mmmppff... M-Mello~" he whined as I suck on his collar bone, his own fingers digging at my scalp and fisting my blond hair not so gently. His legs was spread wide open, exposing his raised flag hidden underneath white briefs. Going down a little, I pinched the defiant nubs with my teeth, before sucking on it. The sheep rewarded me with a yelp, and his clenched fists gripped the pillows strongly to control his moans. My tongue dragged down to his navel, temporarily playing with his belly button, then I ripped off his underwear.

A small, reddish, hardened dick and round balls nested in fluffy, curly white hair was revealed. The head drooled with pearls of precum on the slit. Grabbing his pale bottom, I lifted the member to my lips, rubbing it teasingly at first before engulfing the cock whole.

"N-nnyaahh! N-No... it's- uhmf..." he writhed and panted even more while I treat him to a blowjob, bobbing my head up and down while mingling and twining the shaft with my moist appendage. He sounded like a girl, not that I don't enjoy it. My own need struggled against my boxers, so I deemed that I make this quick and screw him already.

Taking it off, my cock twitched playfully once free. Jerking it slowly while fondling with my balls, my other hand reached the bedside drawer and pulled some chocolate lube. I tossed it to Near. "Prepare yourself. You know how, right?"

His mini fingers squeezed some lube directly on his small hole. The palm spread the substance evenly, and I can tell that I was wrong; he can't prepare himself. With a sigh, I inserted my middle finger and twisted it inside, my neglected shaft weeping beads of white as I feel how warm and tight he is. Another finger was added, making him whine with discomfort. It must've felt weird for him. The third finger followed, and I quickly stretched the restraining entrance, bumping at his spot in the process. My room mate babbled his approval at the contact, panting like a cat in heat for more.

I think he's ready, so I smeared some lube at my 7 inched pride, paying extra attention to the head. Hovering on top of him, I slowly pumped my way in, favoring the missionary position. Near felt so hot and wet, the walls hugging my manhood in its suffocating grip. The parted lips and strangled mewls are cherries on top; it's making me so desperate to come. I shifted and targeted his bumpy prostrate, my success was confirmed with a pitchy "right there!" from him.

"Tell me-... Ahh... Mmnngghh... Near, how can you love me?" I pounded in consistent rhythm, a little faster can make me cum to early, a little slower can bore my sheep. Squelching noises made him blush in an answer, as dull fingernails scratched my back to encourage me to continue.

"I- I... I can give you this- mmmmpppfff! Anytime you want~ Ahh... I won't demand anything else- mmnnyyyaahh! Just Mello is enough!"

"Close enough-" I groaned raspily and picked up my pace. He was just so tight, like fucking a moist, rubbery marshmallow. I kneaded the aroused nipples in front of me, liking how it turned to a deeper red upon my touch. His flawless legs was open like a slut's, and I bet my chocolate he'll regret this in the morning. That cute dick of his kept on bouncing up and down as I grind him thoroughly, spilling some seed at my abdomen. I guided his free hand to it, and the genius masturbated himself as we chase nirvana.

"kyah! Mello!" I knew that we wouldn't last long. Fucking him faster like he's a racing pony, the bed squeaked in the process as I loosen up that virgin ass. Heat pooled at my crotch, and I can almost see the temporary heaven flashing before me. I know he can feel it too, coz that naughty hands moved faster and faster before his milk spilled to his fingers and my cock was restrained within that pleasurable fuck hole.

"Cumming... Mmnngghh!" the warmth was released and I spurted my cum in him. It's quite a heavy load, filling and marking him with that heady, pungent substance he coaxed me to produce. Toes curled and bodies tensed, before I fall from my high and collapsing on top of him, saving the drama and cleaning till morning light.

* * *

_Hangover's a bitch. _

I moaned to myself as I tried to sit up, only to be pounded with a jolting tension on my temples. Giving up, I laid down on my bed, taking note how the mattress felt hard and bony and-

_Oh my fuck. Near. On my bed. Cum-covered. __**Naked**__!_

Before I start panicking like a hen, nostalgia of last night flooded my consciousness. All of it, from him kissing me, to that awkward confession, to the sex (which was good, to be honest). It's so queer, I mean, are we dating right now? I love Matt, sure. But the blood on my sheets (the laundry girl will undoubtedly look at me strange) which confirmed his virginity, seriously! Pretending it's a one-night stand is just so cruel. I'm a jerk, not a heartbreaker. It's not like Mr. Number One's a whore.

My internal debate was cut short when the sheep woke up. Wincing almost immediately at the slightest movement, I fumbled for aspirin and a bottle of water around the room, almost stepping on my melted chocolate as I prance. Handing the medicine to him, Near mumbled a 'thank you' before taking it.

"About last night-" I fingered my chocolate bar as I try to look at him in the eye, failing as those gray orbs shifted away from me. "-is that true? Do you really like me?"

"I have no reason to lie, as you know." Near twirled a lock of silver hair while he tried not to grimace from the hangover. "I leave it all to you whether to accept or deny me."

"What the heck, Near. I don't fuck-and-go. 'course I'd rather date you and fail than leave you like this." I know I'm turning into a big softie, but I've been rejected before. No, I won't inflict the same pain to someone who wants to treat me right.

_He was adorable, covered in sheets and messed-up bedhead. It couldn't get any worse than before. _

"But why like this?" I can't help but ask him. "Why didn't you confess to me normally? I mean, sure I didn't like you at first, but I'm not close-minded enough to deny you without hearing you out."

"How can you realize how much I care, when all your blue eyes can see is him? Tell me, Mello, how can I be your lover when I don't even have the chance to be your friend?"

That hit me like a boomerang. After all this time, all I talk about is Matt, and being number one. Did I ask him about himself? Did I talk about myself to him? Now his lazy ways made much more sense. It wasn't that he has nothing else to do, it was because he's watching me so closely, trying to learn more about me from a distance.

_That's just so Near. _

I leaned close and pecked him innocently on the cheek, my own humble way of saying 'thank you' for listening to my rants; 'thank you' for putting up with my mood; and 'thank you' for loving me for me.

I may not be crazy head over heels in love with this little cotton ball curled next to me

_But at least, I have Near. _

* * *

**It was supposed to be longer, since while I'm writing this, it's getting too personal. It's like a cut out from my diary. Then again, I was too lazy. **

**Wow, I lost my DN virginity to Mello x Near pairing. I always thought I'd write something with Matt on it. Oh well. **

**Review, or not. Alysa432 would love it if you do, though. *winks***


End file.
